India 1: Self, self, self

By and large we bikers are a friendly lot. Whether your mount is a mighty multivalve or a more modest commuter scooter, you can pretty much guarantee a friendly nod at the traffic lights from the other biker who pulls up next to you. And no party is complete without a bikers’ corner where young and old can swop tall tales of broken camshafts or dodgy dealers. 

In the UK, we go out of our way to include the outsiders with modest claims of our own incompetence, self deprecating jokes about our preferred manufacturer and tales of how we broke down on the Hatfield bypass…all intended to make the other guy feel part of the club. Out on the road too, there are plenty of fraternal nods of acknowledgement, waves of the foot, flashing of headlights and so on as we all try to help our fellow bikers survive against the common enemy: those bastards behind the wheel. 

All it takes to join this club is possession of two motorised wheels (for some reason our warmth rarely extends to include cyclists who, of course, have their own equally exclusive fraternity).

Not in India. There’s an estimated 40million riders here, the highest number in the world and only just behind the number of car drivers. So, for much of the time, bikers outnumber cars and lorries. Hurrah! At last we get to rule the world. Up to a point Lord Copper. Because, for reasons that continue to elude me, there appears to be no fraternal feeling among bikers in India. I have seen virtually none of the usual signals of acknowledgement that are commonplace when riding in Europe. No little nods of hello, no waving through, no raised finger of thanks. 

Instead, I have to report, everyone is out for himself (and it is almost universally men in the saddle here). If there’s a space, they dive into it, even if it means cutting someone else up. In the UK I try to leave at least a two second gap in front of me for braking. Here every inch counts so that little safety zone can be and is filled very quickly. Nature abhors a vacuum and so do the road users in this overcrowded country. 

Is this a case of just looking after number 1? The nearest equivalent I’ve seen is in Paris, where scooters are also de rigeur for the would-be commuter and where every little corner is jam packed. However I’m sure that there are rules there which even the most individualist frenchman will obey in the end. Here, I have yet to work out what the ‘rules’ are. There appears to be a ‘priorité a gauche’ as well as ‘a droite’, i.e. drivers join a main road from either side without bothering to see what’s already on it. Similarly those coming on to a roundabout or junction seem to feel that they can do so without regard for those already there. And bus drivers just head down the middle with their hands on the horn…

Whatever the rules, it’s worth noting that all this happens without any of the shouting, raised blood pressure or general aggro that would flare in seconds elsewhere. The Indians are amazingly laid back and short on the ego that seems to drive so many road rage incidents in the west. I have mentioned elsewhere how they use the horn more as a means of communication than as an extension of their personality.  

Just for a laugh here’s some pics of what happens on the small ferry in Port Cochin. The bikers ride on last so they have to load facing the back. But when the ferry gets to the other side, instead of waiting to ride round the  loop at the end, as soon as there’s a hint of any space, they all start manoeuvring their bikes to save a couple of seconds, even if that means blocking the remaining cars from unloading. There’s lots of hooting but, actually, very few displays of frustration or annoyance - it’s just the way things are done here. 

Try that next time you’re on P&O and see what the other drivers think of you!

India 1: hitting a ton on Route 66

  

How better to mark the 100th post in the boyzbigbiketours blog than to record yet another epic ride, perhaps THE best known and most challenging motorbike journey in the world: Route 66. Yes, dear reader, this morning I was up before the sun and knocked off Route 66 before breakfast. 

I don’t quite know what all the fuss is about. I mean it was a very nice road and particularly scenic where it ran between the sea and the lakes. 

But, nice though it was, I’m sure any one of my reader could think of a dozen roads in Europe that are more exciting.

Nevertheless it was good to have one’s efforts recognised and I appreciated how much effort the locals put into decorating the streets and generally welcoming me. 

Two small criticisms if I may. The road surface isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…

And I wonder if they need to think a bit more about building up their sea defences…

Onward to the next greasy spoon!

India 1: initiation day for the Bullet

^{If the journey from Mysore to Ooty was Christening Day for the Bullet, with a gentle run up those 36 snaking Nilgiri  bends, the ride from Ooty to Palakkad was more like our initiation, with a longer, harder run over the back of the Nilgiri Hills and eventually down to what I think of as The Plain (Hot).} 

This is a rubbish photo of what was a lovely view, through the heat haze.

^{The first section was a dream, with lots of gently sweeping bends through lovely scenery and on good quality roads. It was so good that I went back up to do some of it again. I took some great little videos with my phone dangling round my neck but managed to film only my teeshirt. Five times.} 

^{Slightly further on I encountered a sign warning me that there were 43 hairpin bends ahead. It was a deserted back road, so I took off my helmet and coasted down with the engine off…just the buzz of the disk brake sounding quite like a cricket.  It was lovely but, almost inevitably, as as I crossed over into Kerala (just by the Canada hydroelectric station), there was a police block in the middle of nowhere. I should have expected this. It happened before in north Wales and again on Bodmin moor: whenever I take off my helmet in some utterly remote spot, a policeman appears as if by magic and ticks me off!! To be honest, they were pleasant enough and just wanted to write down my driving licence details and to chat about life (memories of Montenegro), although in theory they were there to check I wasn’t a Maoist terrorist…really! They had a poster of maoist mugshots, none of which I closely resembled.  Oh, and put the helmet back on sonny.} 

^{The descent to that point had taken at least three hours in blazing sun and I still had the bulk of the journey ahead of me. Unfortunately the roads deteriorated as soon as I hit Kerala which slowed me down even more as I followed a river for an hour or so, passing through dozens of little villages where coconuts seem to be the main crop. Eventually I hauled into Palakkad about 5.00pm and was too tired to search further for a bed than the soul-less shiny Book Inn outside which was a fully-laden touring Royal Enfield, sporting flags, spare petrol tanks, bungees etc etc that put mine to shame. I had barely travelled more than 150km but it felt much more!}

Palakkad had a lot of jewellery adverts, even where, let's face it, potential buyers would not be too thick on the ground.  

^{The journey next day to Fort Cochin was about five hours of dual carriageway riding at a steady running-in speed of 60kph, though much of the road was still being created and there were plenty of interesting opportunities to swerve round steamrollers and trucks, practise my off-road technique and marvel at the nerve of other riders who were going down the other side of the dual carriageway against the flow of traffic!} 

^{Unfortunately Kochi is a big and busy city with a long approach hinterland where the driving was terrible. I made contact with the locals at last, or, at least, one of them made contact with me as he cut across me and scraped something off the side of his, already dented, car against my crash bar. He then stopped, got out and was profusely apologetic and humble - the complete opposite of the way he was driving! Then a few km down the road I saw another incident of car cutting up bike but this time at much higher speed, i.e. much more dangerous!}

^{I was trying to hold to the centre of the carriageway but several times found a car right up against my back wheel, trying to force me to move over. After an hour or so of this I was pretty anxious about my chances of getting another sideswipe, so I stopped for a quick juice and cool down.} 

After 500km, it was time for a first service at a dealership in Kochi which has an unusually positive view of Redditch. 

^{Eventually I started crossing some of the many backwaters and rivers that characterise this area and found myself on ‘the island’ where I battled up to the Fort Cochin area and stopped at the first cafe I found. It was a good choice, partly because a met a young English couple who were staying in a boutique ecovillage for only 4000 R a night (which made my current cost of 800R much more bearable) and partly because they didn’t have any change for a 2000 bill so I have an excuse to go back and settle up later.}

The biker's reward!

India: who needs insurance when you've got Puja

Puja. It could well be one of those regional curries I’m still struggling to integrate into my daily diet,  a town near Bangalore or one of the man gods who permeate Indian life. The last is closer to the mark because Puja is actually a prayer ritual that is performed at home or at a Hindu temple to mark important life events or - and we’re getting closer here - to bless new beginnings. In the priest-assisted Puja around which I am circling, food, fruits and sweets were also included as offerings to Ganesha, the elephant God. 

^{And what, my children, might we have been blessing? Yes, of course, you guessed it from the headline: my new bike. And when I say new, I mean  brand spanking, straight-out-of-the-showroom-for-the-first-time-in-my-life-new. It has been a long time coming and, frankly I think I could have built a motorbike in less time than it’s taken my bank to transfer the necessaries out here but let’s try and rise above that now. It was probably my fault in some obscure way. The point is that for either an absurdly small amount of money, I have acquired a brand new Royal Enfield Silver bullet -  350ccs of gleaming chrome, classic styling and sari guard complete with electric start and front disk brakes.}

^{Surely this is a giant leap away from the ruthlessly efficient and frankly rather boring germanic machines that have graced my bottom hitherto? Well, yes, (though, now you mention it, I haven’t seen a single BMW in this land where everyone uses two wheels.) The fact is that every fourth bike out here is a RE and even the smallest village will have an Enfield wallah who can compensate for my pathetic inadequacies in the field of mechanics.} 

^{But how does it go, I hear you ask. The answer is 'Not at all' until it’s been Puja'd.} 

^{Actually that’s not true. From the showroom in Mysore I had to get it back to where I was staying last night, a journey that reminded me of my very first ride ever, after buying a Honda 250 in north London and having not the least idea how to ride the thing (we didn’t need tests and CBTs in those days). I think Mike Venning might have come some of the way with me on his Guzzi but I suspect he thought it best to leave me to work things out for myself. I didn’t know what gear I was in for the whole journey!} 

^{But I digress. First thing this morning I had a thorough shower in order that I would be allowed in a Hindu temple. Then we went to find one. As always in India there are plenty of people on hand to advise you, so the old lady told us where to park and to leave our shoes (50R please), she also pointed us to the stall where we bought the flowers and the lime (70R please). The chap in the queue then explained that I had to buy a ticket (50R please) and give it to the priest who was moving down the line of what I suppose are called supplicants. He took my garland and lime, asked my name and offered a quick prayer there and then. He then passed the bits and pieces to anothe priest who whisked everything off into the temple proper where more prayers were said. Meanwhile a separate priest emerged with a candle and flowers and sprinkled the bike with holy water. It was all quite businesslike and relaxed, with lots of advice and smiles. Next to my bike was a brand new car that was also being ‘done’. Quite soon, the blessed flowers emerged from the inner sanctum and, before I knew it, my little Enfield was getting the works with dye and oils being marked all over it very thoroughly, from tyres to instruments to the tank  (200R please). The only thing that remained was for me to drive over the two limes that had been placed under the front and rear wheels…for reasons that I didn't and don’t understand.} 

  

^{To be honest, the whole thing was so thorough and professional that I drove away with more confidence that the Puja would look after me in the event of an accident than the so-called insurance policy that we bought from the dealer!}

^{Did I say we? Foreigners are not allowed to buy a new car/bike here. Not sure if this is for anti-terrorist reasons or something more obscure. However I was rescued by Satij, one of Stephen’s ever-helpful rickshaw drivers who has suffered the many bureaucratic demands for paperwork and in whose name the bike is now registered. I think this will make it impossible for me to ship the machine back to the UK when I leave India but I haven’t the heart to tackle the bureaucrats who can, it is rumoured, change registration names for those who are super patient, resourceful and have the necessary paperwork - none of which apply to me.}

^{Sorry, I nearly forgot to mention how it goes! I had a perfect trip planned for our first date - a journey from Mysore to Ooty in the Nilgiri Hills. It’s about 140km and the last 30km involve a climb to about 2000m up a famous series of 36 hairpin bends (I didn’t count them - they are marked on signs). Some of these are extremely sharp - and the camber is all over the place.  But what the hell: it was great}  to be pottering along, independent of buses, taxis, rickshaw wallahs and trains. To take the rest of my Indian adventure at my own pace and go where I want to go has to be worth all the hassle and delay in getting this bike. 

The God Ganesha, the elephant God, is the relevant deity here folks. Apparently Ganesha is a kind of ‘sorter out of problems’ and remover of obstacles. Maybe I should have gone to him earlier!